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  • Loneliness and Separation

    Q: What causes the feeling of loneliness in our mundane world? Why does it come and go? How is this feeling represented in reality the original?

    To serve in separation. — The last meeting with Sridhar Maharaj. — Service necessity. — Getting association by pursuing the order. — What can be called association? — Nearness in terms of consciousness. — Our guardians — are they real? ؅— Mundane association — something other than service necessity. — Helpful alienation. — How to appreciate someone? — Tinder and Matchmaker: looking for the other half. —Narcissism: others are desirable to the degree they mirror ourselves. — We are desperate to find our soulmate. — Truth doesn’t need proof. — Romeo and Juliet: you don’t need anything but love to exist. — “Ideal” equals to Absolute. — Loneliness is forgetfulness of Krishna. — Gopa Kumar’s “return” to Goloka. — Gadadhar Pandit reads Bhagavatam for Mahaprabhu. — Krishna consciousness contradicts our expectations and stereotypes. — Joyous connection with the higher plane.

    Chiang Mai 2019 - Loneliness and Separation

    Author: Bhakti Sudhir Goswami Cycle: Chiang Mai 2019 Uploaded by: Priyanana Created at: 7 August, 2019
    Duration: 01:04:44 Date: 2019-04-05 Place: Gupta Govardhan Chiang Mai Downloaded: 532 Played: 1143

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    Goswāmī Mahārāj: Hare Kṛṣṇa. Yes.
    Devotee: Daṇḍavat Mahārāj. We have a question from Ajita Kṛṣṇa Prabhu.
    Goswāmī Mahārāj: Hmm, hmm.
    Devotee: What causes the feeling of loneliness in our mundane world? Why does it come and go, this feeling? How is that feeling respon... represented in reality the original?
    Goswāmī Mahārāj: Well, you might think that... how many people are in the world? Eight Billion?
    Devotee: Seven.
    Goswāmī Mahārāj: Seven. That, that wouldn't be a problem. [laughing] So, loneliness, and we know from cities, someone can feel very alone in a city with millions and millions of people. Right. They can feel alone in the presence of someone whom they, you know, dedicated their lives to one another. So, it has something to do with shared sensibility.
    Like, nearness in terms of heart core consciousness. All perspective, I remember when... when I was leaving the Maṭh once, and Śrīla Guru Mahārāj in Navadwip. And, it was customary to always see His Divine Grace. Upon leaving, he would take the garland of Śrīlā Bhakti Siddhānta Saraswatī Ṭhākur, give us that. And, sometimes his embrace. It's hard to believe now. Were so fortunate.
    But, on particular occasion, Śrīla Guru Mahārāj, he said to me, in the presence of Śrīla Gurudev. He said, “So, now our Goswāmī Mahārāj is going to some remote corner of the world.” [laughing] And, I... I thought it meant like I'm going to California. [laughing] You know, to Silicon Valley. He said, “Now, he's going to some remote corner of the world.” [laughing] And, he saw the look on my face, you know, of perplexity. And, very sweetly, very beautifully he said, “This is your home—Navadwip dhām.” If he says that, then I can believe it, aspire for that belief. You think, “This is your home. And, for sometime you're going to some remote corner of the world in service to this plane.”
    And, one of the very last times that I was with him. And, he knew it, I knew this could be the last time I would be in his manifest presence. And... I should say also that, I had... I made a choice to serve him in separation. I would of preferred from one point of view, to just spend my fin... his final days... in his presence, for his final days.
    But, I realized that was not the service necessity. The service necessity was for me to go and extend his connection to others. But, many times I lamented like, “Oh, I would like to be there with him.” And, he told me that, two things come to mind. One was saying when Rūpa Goswāmī... I mean Guru... I'm only saying this because Guru Mahārāj's comparison are odious, but he uses how he chose to inspire me. So, he said, “Rūpa Goswāmī wanted to be with Mahāprabhu, but Mahāprabru told him, 'Your service will be in Vṛndāvan.' So, by going to Vṛndāvan, following my order; which is for you to go to Vṛndāvan, then you'll get my association. You'll realize my association in the pursuance of this order.'”
    Just like so many times Śrīla Prabhupād said, “In pursuance of the order of Śrīla Bhakti Siddhānta Saraswatī Ṭhākur...” He said, “I'm always in the presence of my Guru Mahārāj.” And, Śrīla Guru Mahārāj would tell us that... “The faithful disciple is always living in his... in the relativity of his Gurudev.” Right. His in that zone on account of the faithful connection and remembrance. Right. So, Mahāprabhu is saying, “In pursuance of my order, although, from an objective point of view it appears we're separating. But, actually you'll realize my presence.”
    And, Guru Mahārāj gave this example. At the time he said... the... um... He said, “The association is achieved in terms of nearness of consciousness, not physical proximity.” And, he gave this example of bedbugs. Otherwise, known as lice. That's why he said, “When the bedbug is like embedded in your skin. It's not possible to be nearer.” Right. Saying, “But, the consciousness of the bedbug, and of the person— they're worlds apart.” But the physical proximity couldn't be nearer. They're under your skin, [slapping sound] as the saying goes. Literally, not just metaphorically. But... So, physical proximity does not mean association or the cure for loneliness. Right. A sense of being alone. Right.
    But, he said, “That nearness in terms of consciousness.” So, even if there is a lack of physical nearness, or proximity. Being in the same zone of consciousness, and aspiration, and heart brings association. So, it's ironic in a sense, these great devotees who we see live in seclusion. Right. There're so many examples of these great devotees who live in seclusion. Right. But, they're not lonely. [laughing] You know. It's just the opposite of that.
    Through Divine remembrance they're... they have so much association. They're never feeling alone. They're feeling the presence of the great devotees, the predecessor Ācāryas. And, not in some... as a fantasy, or some sort of nostalgia— but, living. Right. 'Cause, as Guru Mahārāj again would say, “Our guardians, are they real or not?” Sometimes in speaking, he'd say, “Oh, perhaps our Guru Mahārāj and your Guru Mahārāj they're looking down upon this transaction, happily approving.”
    And, we talk about prakaṭ and aprakaṭ; manifest and unmanifest. Unmanifest doesn't mean 'nothing.' It means 'not apparent in this plane.' Which is what?— temporary. So, the aprakaṭ; unmanifest is in the permanent, substantial plane. So, really someone who is substantially engaged in the culture of Kṛṣṇa Consciousness, by definition could not feel lonely. Right. But... Although, we may see from an external point of view, that they're living in seclusion... seclusion, isolation, or the so-called nirjan-bhajan.
    Nirjan means, you know, 'without people.' Nirjan-bhajan, you know, with nobody around. Right. So, and that may be a relief. [laughing] Like, we hear of Lokanāth Goswāmī, it's extreme, but the example is there. That, we're told having nothing, no other possessions then a loṭā; a water pot. And, he kept this water pot turned upside-down, so that no one might say, “Say, can I get a drink of water?” Not that he's like a cruel person, but he's saying like, he just realized the... how easy it is to become distracted through mundane association.
    And, mundane association in this context, means 'something other than what is service necessity.' Right. 'Cause we're prepared to do all kind of things for service, pūjāla rāgapaṭha gaurava baṅge, mattala sādhu jana viṣaya raṅge (Bhakti Siddhānta Saraswatī Ṭhākur: Gaudiya 1930). Viṣaya raṅge, you're made to do all kinds of seemingly mundane things, if necessary, for service and come in contact with so many. But... So, alone in this context, saying, means 'without association.' Right. But, what is real association? Is similar conscious culture. And, by that we mean Kṛṣṇa Conscious.
    So... And, then in the inverse, we can say, “In this world alienation may have it's value.” Right. Um... um... To not feel apart of mundane life and culture, it's not a bad thing. Right. And, especially, if as a result, it propels one towards spiritual association.
    So... um... [long pause] People feel lonely, because they feel that there is no one who appreciates them. But, what is that self that is to be appreciated? Right. So many times we've heard Śrīla Guru Mahārāj, Śrīla Gurudev express some appreciation towards the servitor self— which, is the actual identity. So, hearing that... that prospect, that possibility, and hearing appreciation from the 'higher section' toward your servitor prospect is very inspiring. Right. Whereas, this layered self, buried under layers of acquired prejudice and acquired tendency.
    Whether, another person appreciates that or not, if they appreciate it that's a problem, actually. They're appreciating something that is not real or substantial. So... And, for the most part, I forget who is was, Virginia Woolf, maybe. Saying about the, how other's see us... What is she saying about their eyes, you know, how we're imprisoned by how other people see us. I forget the exact quote, I think it's Virginia Woolf.
    So, we would be shocked, at least minimally surprised, if we knew how other people actually see us. [chuckling] It would probably not match up with how we think we're seen. Because, people are projecting upon others. Stereotypes based on, you know, visual... visual perceptions that have little or nothing to do with who that person actually is. And, then even so far as in terms of relationships, we're not less, but people even more. There's more projection involved. Right.
    They're trying to project an ideal... they're... an ideal they're carrying, in their minds eye, upon another person, place, or thing. But, here we're talking person. Right. I've mentioned that, in especially in the age of social media, right, where people are representing themselves in a particular way. And, it's not uncommon for people to see some sort of disconnect between the way they were being represented and the way they are. Right. So, they have some ideal... Each person has an ideal way they think of representing themselves. And, then other people are buying into that.
    The whole thing is basically... what is it called?.. folie à deux. Folie à deux means 'shared madness' in French. The folly of two, it means 'shared madness.' That's what we should call it. [laughing] The share... We can give it a title, The Shared Madness of Relationships, by Doctor... [laughing] So, the bases of... it's all algorithmic, computer based ideal projection. Right. I mean, it would be humorous if it wasn't sad. That people are trying to find their counterpart, in essence. Another way of saying it, they're trying to find their soulmate or counterpart through mathematics. Right. Through algorithmic remedies. [laughing] Right.
    Someone's writing an algorithm to find who's appropriate; the counterpart, the soulmate, whatever the... is there another word?
    Devotee: Other half.
    Goswāmī Mahārāj: Other half, partner, life partner, etc... And, they're... whether it's Matchmaker.com or some version of that. Right. Tender; swipe left, swipe right. [chuckling] And, they're so many fields that need to be... information needs to be entered. What we can call, 'ideal search criteria.' Right. Or, search criteria that should connect me with the ideal. Right. 'Cause, we're carrying inside some, maybe it's nebulous, or... but, some... uh... um... you can say, sense of that ideal person. How they would look, how they would behave, what their interest might be, so many things like that. Right.
    We think to the degree that they mirror ourselves, they're desirable—which is also interesting. Right. So, in a sense, a type of narcissism. Right. I... I wonder what Narcissus would do, you know, in the age of the selfie. [laughing] Seeing it designed for Narcissus. You know the myth of Narcissus? In essence, someone who fell in love with their own reflection. [laughing] Christopher Lasch wrote a book called The Culture of Narcissism. And interestingly, he wrote that book in the 1970's. Right. That means fifty years ago, practically. Right.
    The Culture of Narcissism, and this says forty, fifty years before social media and selfie culture. Right. So, like Narcissus, falling in love with his own reflection. So, that still, there's some sense of 'ideal search criteria' that we're carrying in the heart. And, then we... we're looking, in essence, for someone to impose that upon. Right? Sort of force fit; right, maybe a little bit to the left, to the right, they can be shaped liked, you know, more or less just fit in there. [laughing]
    We're so desperate to find the counter... In... in principle it say... it's telling. Telling meaning, 'revealing.' Right. That we're... we're hard wired to seek our counterpart. It's not necessarily a bad thing. Right. But, when we impose that 'ideal search criteria' upon the person, places, things of this world. In... inevitably, invariably, indubitably, ends in disappointment, frustration, tending towards disillusion. So, I like to suggest [laughing] that the ideal should be equated with the Absolute.
    When we say 'ideal search criteria,' it shouldn't... it's not just like a relative thing. I believe it's an Absolute thing, is what I'm trying to say. Right. Like, and we're hard wired for this. As the great literary critic Allan Bloom (Harold Bloom), had a work titled, Shakespeare Invented the Human (Shakespeare: The Invention of the Human). Right. And, I should say that's... that's his hook to get you to read his book. He's not saying that literally. It's metaphorically... what's the word... in a literary... literary sense. He's saying, “Because, so many characters that we've come to know. We've come to know through him.” Right.
    We may not... Like, when we hear, whether it's Shylock, or Hamlet, or King... these characters resonate with you. That's what he means to say subtlety. Your... the personality palette; the palette of personality, expands by hearing Shakespeare. I'm just using him as an example because, he's maybe the... the best example, according to him. But, that what writers do. Right. The great pragmatist, Richard Rorty saying, “Through literature we become more empathetic with others.” Who, we may not... you know... in our small world, or our orbit we may not encounter these people, but through writing, literature we do. Right. So, you have the so-called archetype. Right. So, one of the archetypes that we've come to through Shakespeare is Romeo and Juliet. Right.
    So... And, what's interesting as a side point. It doesn't matter whether there was literally a boy named Romeo and a girl name Juliet, and, they lived at a particular... It's totally irrelevant, it doesn't matter. “Art is a lie that tells the truth.” If you want to tell the truth, write fiction. What matters is that hearing this story, it resonates in the heart. We get it. That's what matters. There... That's how you know there is truth there. It... Truth is not something that needs to be objectively verified. Those are so-called 'facts.' And, I think it was Oscar Wilde said, you know, like, “Even facts can be proved.” [laughing] So, truth is something else. Right.
    And, as the saying goes, “Art is a lie that tells the truth.” So, if there's truth there, whether it's literally, objectively, factual is irrelevant. I've mentioned this in another regard that I find it interesting. The Bhagavad-gītā, that is praised... beside... we know devotees with appreciate Bhagavad-gītā, and aspiring devotees. That as Guru Mahārāj said, “As connotation increases, denotation decreases.” But, as we go in the opposite direction, we know East, North, South, East and West, people appreciate Bhagavad-gītā. Not just devotees, but non-devotees, māyāvādis, you know, European scholars, everyone finds something of value in the Bhagavad-gītā. And, what I find interesting is, no one questions the... the... the method of revelation.
    Why, on account of the overwhelming spiritual substance. And, what I mean by that, is to say, the method of revelation, Sañjaya is not there. Right. There's the blind king, Dhṛtarāṣṭraḥ and Sañjaya, and he's saying, “Oh, tell me what's going on there.” And, then Sañjaya he's telling. And, what does he say in the end, the key, he's saying, vyāsa-prasādāc chrutavān (Bg: 18.75.1). “By the mercy of Vyās I heard this.” Right. So, it's some mystical transmission. And, the person who's delivering this, admittedly is not literally, factually there. So, why don't all these rational people, who have some fondness for Bhagavad-gītā...
    Why don't the say, “Well, wait a minute, he wasn't even there. How do we know the validity of what's being said?” How do they know? Because, of the overwhelming substance in what is presented, makes the method of delivery irrelevant. Right. One great writer said about another, “We needed nothing more then his authorial voice to grasp the truth of what he's saying.” If, we we're to say that, they'd go, “Oh, come on! That's not proof.” But, in the secular world, he was saying... he was saying, “He's such a great writer, we don't need to know anything. Just the authorial voice of his, that's the proof of the validity, the value, the substance of what he's delivering.” And, I think that is a wonderful thing to say, a compliment of an other.
    But, like to say similarly, so in consideration of the substance of the Bhagavad-gītā, the method of delivery is irrelevant. Right. Similar to, to take it away from that field, we're saying to Romeo and Juliet. It doesn't matter whether it's factually, objectively occurred, in that sense. Because, it resonates with the heart, in such an overwhelming way, that everybody gets it. Practically, a child gets it, anybody and everybody gets it. That's why world wide, across cultures, everyone knows this story, in unto in-varying degrees. And, what is it about, this unconditional love. Right.
    How committed are they to this unconditional love? They're willing to die for it. That's what everyone likes about it. That's what they like. Is... And, it's also noteworthy that they're fourteen years old, which is not an accident. Shakespeare didn't select their ages just like whimsically. Why are they fourteen? Because, that means when you're fourteen—literally or metaphorically—you can believe in... that love is everything. And, that you don't need anything but love to exist. And, unfortunately as the age goes up the... the concept goes down. [laughing]
    There was a cartoon in the New Yorker, where the man's head is buried in the newspaper. And, that caption is him answering a question asked by his wife. And, the answer is, “What do you mean by love?” So, you can understand his wife said something like, “Do you still love me?” And, now he's at the point, without lifting his head from the paper, saying, “What do you mean by love?” It has to me redefined in another way to be acknowledged. But, we want to go back to Romeo and Juliet, because it's... this is pure unconditional love, the ideal to the point that they're willing to die for one another; to live in that zone of that love. And, so it's held up on a pedestal, as like, you know, ideal, unconditional love. Right.
    And, that's actually what everyone is searching for. But, they're trying to take that and impose that upon someone who cannot live up to that. Because, as I qualified the statement saying, “Ideal, in this instance, equals the Absolute.” But... So, that... we'll say, “Oh, who can.” Correct. But, what about the Absolute? Guru Mahārāj would say, “That the Absolute cannot be anything less than that.” But, that the Absolute could not only be the ideal counterpart for one or for many, but for everyone—and simultaneously.
    And, they'll say, “Well, who could conceive of such a person.” Right. That is Kṛṣṇa conception, prati aṅge lāgi kānde prati aṅga mora (Jñāna Dās). We're told that comes from the lotus mouth of Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī. That she's saying, “Aṅga; every limb, you know, part of me is crying out and hankering for you. And, you can address every aspect, only you, nothing less than you.” So, she set the standard. Right. Maybe she has the best idea. As, Guru Mahārāj said in another place, “We should accept Rādhārāṇī's suggestion.” [laughing] As though, it's a suggestion, pracodayat, pracodayati; a suggestion. Right.
    So, the most qualified saying, “You are the only person who is capable of addressing every atom of my souls hankering.” But, Guru Mahārāj would add to that, “Every atom of every soul's hankering and simultaneously.” How wonderful and absolute is that? As the book was sub... you know, Hidden Treasure of the Sweet Absolute. Right. No one, I don't even think... I don't think Hegel ever talked about 'The Sweet Absolute.' [laughing] I'm not familiar with the philosophers or the scientist using the word 'sweet,' when it comes to the ultimate reality. That the ultimate reality can be like sweet, loving, kind, affectionate, sensitive. Right.
    Long walks on the Jamuna; on the banks of the Jumuna. [laughing] So, akhila-rasāmṛta-mūrtiḥ, that is Kṛṣṇa. Right. So, the only way really to experience loneliness, per se, is to turn away from Kṛṣṇa, bhayaṁ dvitīyābhiniveśataḥ syād, īśād apetasya viparyayo ’smṛtiḥ (SB:−2). We'll hear these things, forgetful of our... But, if... one mean... and, you know, bahirmukh means 'turning away.'
    Turn your fate away. This is a sad thing. [long pause] So, upon the return of Gopa Kumār. That means that they return, in essence, philosophical talk about that. When Gopa Kumār, let's just say when Gopa Kumār enters Goloka-Vṛndāvan. Right. What is in his deep hearts core, his svarūp, could not be addressed, and even in Vaikuṇṭha or Dwārakā.
    There's something inside him that's compelling him to go deep. Like, Guru Mahārāj says, “Dive deep into reality.” To dive, deeper, and deeper, and deeper. And, it's recognized by even Nārada and Uddhava in Dwārakā. When the have a private meeting with him and acknowledge that he will go further, deeper. But, upon his arrival there, he's very eager to find the house of Nanda Mahārāj. And, he encounters various people. [chuckling] And, you're thinking like, Brahma-saṁhitā, kathā gānaṁ nāṭyaṁ gamanam... (Bs: 5.56.3).
    The place where all speech is song, all movement is dance. And... And, the people... when he enquires, like, “Can you point me in the direction of the house of Nanda Mahārāj.” They're like, “Aohhh!” And, they're disturbed, upset, miserable. And, he's thinking, “What's wrong with these people?” [laughing] “This is suppose to...” He's just gone through all the different, what to speak of the different levels in the material worlds, all the zones of the spiritual world. And, now he's entered the highest zone, and he's saying in his estimation, “These are the most miserable people that he's ever met.” He's been through all levels of material and spiritual existence. And, saying, “So at last, this is the destination. The most people miserable ever.”
    So, is Kṛṣṇa Consciousness a lie, a misrepresentation of the truth, false advertising. Or, something else is at play. And, what he comes to understand. The source of the upset, of their misery is that they're experiencing separation from Kṛṣṇa. And, from one point of view, it's a typical day in Vṛndāvan. What is the cause of the separation? That, Kṛṣṇa, Balarām, and the cowherd boys, they're cow herding in the forest of Vṛndāvan.
    We hear earlier... that... or... at different parts there, that when everyday, when Kṛṣṇa's to leave, that it's like unbearably heartbreaking for Mother Yaśodā. He gets to go, then they have to bring Him back. And, He's going again... It's not the He just like, you know, “See you at lunchtime.” [chuckling] She can't bear to allow Him to go the Vṛndāvan forest with Balarām and the cowherd boys, and cowherd... It's deeply disturbing to her. And, they run through this scene, and finally somehow it occurs. And, she's plunged into the depths of separation, where the most superior type of kṛṣṇa-prem is mined.
    The heart yields that type of substance in separation. It's very peculiar. Right. So, they're all so miserable because they're feeling separation from Kṛṣṇa. … what is it?.. bāhye viṣa-jvālā haya, bhitare ānanda-maya, kṛṣṇa-premāra adbhuta carita (Cc: Madhya-līlā, 2.50.3-4). It's mentioned in Śrī Chaitanya-charitāmṛta, that the adbhut—that means 'wonderful, astonishing, carit' characteristic of kṛṣṇa-prem— of this quality, is that, externally it's as if one has been poisoned. Like, suffering the effects of... you know... cobra venom; they're hemorrhaging.
    And, simultaneously, internally the heart is experiencing, in Guru Mahāṛāj's words, “Some strange peculiar type of joy.” So, it's like beauty in melancholy. And, this is not something peripheral, anecdotal, auxiliary, secondary, but primary in the pastimes of Śrī Chaitanya Mahāprabhu. Right. As, Śrīā Gurudev said quite simply, “What is Mahāprabhu's tasting matter?” Anādir ādir govindaḥ (Bs: 5.1.3), knows everything about the joys of union.
    Right, lakṣmī-sahasra-śata-sambhrama-sevyamānaṁ (Bs: 5.29.3). One Kṛṣṇa enjoying with innumerable lakṣmīs. Right. Unlike, Vaikuṇṭha, one Lakṣmī one Nārāyaṇ. Right. Innumerable lakṣmīs, mean in this case, gopīs. One Kṛṣṇa... He knows everything about the joys of union. Mahāprabhu, Kṛṣṇa did not take the position of Mahāprabhu to descend in this world to relish that. But, what He did, as Gurudev said, he said, “What is His tasting matter?” That śloka, pīḍābhir nava-kālakūṭa-kaṭutā-garvasya nirvāsano (Vm: 2.18.1). What I just said before from Kavirāj Goswāmī, he's put in Bengali from... on the bases of this expressed by Rūpa Goswāmī. Same sort of thing.
    That, what appears on the surface to be the most painful thing imaginable, for someone who has kṛṣṇa-prem, to be separated from Kṛṣṇa, they will die. It's that... So, if Romeo and Juliet... Why we say it's so high, because they're willing to die for that. Here, this is not the story of Romeo and Juliet, this is the reality of deep Kṛṣṇa conception. Devotee who has kṛṣṇa-prem, to be separated from Kṛṣṇa, they'll have to die. Their heart will burst, they will be unable to do that; to go on living. Right. So, the tenth stage of separation is death. Why do they not die? Because, they realize that will make Kṛṣṇa unhappy.
    So, they're caught... The feeling to die, but cannot, because it will... Kṛṣṇa's first in everything... will cry... give some unhappiness to Him. So, they're in that stage. So, Guru Mahārāj wrote, in the Gadādhar Praṇam, nīlāmbhodhi-taṭe sadā sva-virahā-kṣepanvitaṁ bāndhavaṁ. As Bhaktivinod Ṭhākur [long pause] compiled the Bhagavatarka-Marici-Mala, think about this,
    kṛṣṇe sva-dhāmopagate
    dharma-jñānādibhiḥ saha
    kalau naṣṭa-dṛśām eṣa purāṇārko ’dhunoditaḥ
    (Śrīmad Bhāgavatam: 1.3.43)
    And, now that Kṛṣṇa has... His manifest pastimes. He's gone into the un-manifest plane, and the world's been plunged into the darkness of the Kali-yuga. Where will we get light? It says, this Bhāgavat Purāṇa has risen like the sun, illuminating all directions in this Kali-yuga; age of darkness. But, it says, “Purāṇa, like the sun.” So, if you take it eighteen thousand ślokas, like an eighteen thousand rayed sun. Right. But, Bhaktivinod Ṭhākur, under the direct order of Svarūpa Dāmodar, he's told, “Take a thousand of these rays.” Right. There's gradation everywhere and everything.
    So, there's certain rays giving particular type of illumination of Kṛṣṇa conception. “You collect those and present that for everyone, along lines of sambandha-abhidheya-prayojan-tattva.” Right. Which he did, Bhagavatarka. There's the word again, arka− purāṇārko ’dhunoditaḥ−Bhagavatarka-Marici-Mala. Right. Like a garland of these thousand rays extracted from the eighteen thousand rayed Bhāgavat sun. Right. So, Śrīla Guru Mahārāj, he got the inspiration to make a compilation of say, like three hundred ślokas—approximately.
    But, you know, he playfully said... invoked Saraswatī Ṭhākur's teasing of him once, he's saying, “Ease lover.” So, he didn't complete that. But, what he did do, was write; compose introductory ślokas. One for Vedavyās, this Gadādhar Praṇam different to—I say—to, it gives us more then a hint of the selection criteria for the ślokas. Right. So, this Gadādhar Praṇam, particularly, as we know Śrīnivās Ācārya was to learn the Bhāgavatam from Gadāhar Paṇḍit. If we can conceive of Gadāhar Paṇḍit; Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī in gaur-līlā, explaining the Bhāgavatam. That, in just that thought is inconceivable. And, who are... who is the audience for that class, Mahāprabhu Himself, Nityānanda Prabhu, all those great associates—they're there. Gadāhar Paṇḍit is explaining the Bhāgavatam. [chuckling]
    yad amiya-mahimā-śrī-bhāgavatyāḥ kathāyāṁ
    pratipadam anubhūtaṁ chāpy alabdhābhidheyā
    tad akhila-rasa-mūrti-śyāma-līlāvalambaṁ
    madhura-rasa-dhi-rādhā-pādapadmaṁ prapadye
    (Śrīla Bhakti Rakṣak Śrīdhar Dev-Goswāmī Mahārāj)
    Of course. [laughing] Because, the book ostensively is about Kṛṣṇa conception, of course it is. But, it's telling you, “The substantial Kṛṣṇa conception comes from Her. There's not better, superior, qualitative, quantitative Kṛṣṇa conception then from the heart of Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī.” That's the Kṛṣṇa that we're interested in—Her suggestion, Her way of seeing things, [laughing] gopī-bhāva-rasāmṛtābdhi-laharī-kallola-magnau muhur (Śrī Śrī Ṣaḍ Goswāmy-aṣṭakam: 4.3). The supreme gopī, the supreme gopī-bhāv— mahābhāva-svarūpā śrī-rādhā-ṭhākurāṇī (Cc: Ādi-līlā, 4.69.1).
    So, how... of course... they want to hear from Her, from Him; Gadāhar Paṇḍit will explain the Bhāgavatam. Right. So... But, Guru Mahārāj says, “In this verse...” That's, you can say they're having the class, general class. But, then sometimes on the shore of the broad blue ocean, it's just Gaurāṅga-Mahāprabhu and Gadāhar Paṇḍit. And, the time has come, nīlāmbhodhi-taṭe sadā sva-virahā-kṣepanvitaṁ bāndhavaṁ (Śrīla Bhakti Rakṣak Śrīdhar Dev-Goswāmī Mahārāj, The Golden Volcano of Divine Love: Line 1). The whole purpose of Mahāprabhu's descent, to taste this, to experience what She's experiencing, to explore the depths of Her heart, rādhā-bhāva-dyuti-suvalitaṁ... (Cc: Ādī-līlā, 1.5.4).
    And, there most inconceivable of inconceivable thing, is Kṛṣṇa enveloped in the heart and halo of Rādhārāṇī, experience what, sva-virahā. The most intense sort of separation from Himself, but as Her. The way she experiences separation from Kṛṣṇa. [long pause] So, she knows what that is like. Two personalities are best suited for this, Svarūp Dāmodar and, of course, Gadāhar Paṇḍit. That goes without saying. Svarūp Dāmodar; Lalitā-sakhī, who renders similar service to Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī in... in Goloka-Vṛndāvan, Gokula-Vṛndāvan.
    But, here... So, Gadāhar Paṇḍit seeing what Mahāprabhu is experiencing, the painfulness of that separation. And, Guru Mahārāj said... “Bāndhava.” It a... the best friends. Right. So, it's really Rādhā and Kṛṣṇa. But, here, Kṛṣṇa's Mahāprabhu, enveloped in the heart and halo of Rādhārāṇī. And, there's Rādhārāṇī. “Knowing that now He's experiencing what I experience. And, I know how to help.” Right... right, śrīmad-bhāgavatī kathā madirayā sañjīvayan bhāti yaḥ (Śrīla Bhakti Rakṣak Śrīdhar Dev-Goswāmī Mahārāj, The Golden Volcano of Divine Love: Line 2), it's at this stage of death-like; on the verge.
    And, Guru Mahārāj explaining his own śloka, said along these... Because, madirā, that means 'wine; intoxication. He's saying, “Just when a friend sees a beloved friend that's suffering such heartache, on account of separation of their beloved. They offer them some intoxicant to bring some relief to their heart, from the anguish of separation.” Right. And, what is that in this case, śrīmad-bhāgavatī kathā madirayā—the Bhāgavatam ślokas. Which ones, certain ślokas from the Bhāgavatam. Remember, this is Guru Mahārāj introduction to a selection criteria, śrīmad-bhāgavataṁ sadā sva-nayanāśru-pāyanaiḥ pūjayan (Śrīla Bhakti Rakṣak Śrīdhar Dev-Goswāmī Mahārāj, The Golden Volcano of Divine Love: Line 3).
    And, as Gadārhar Paṇḍit is selecting these Bhagavatam ślokas, to assuage the anguish of separation in the heart of Mahāprabhu. The tears are streaming from his eyes, like lotus tear offerings onto the pages of that Bhāgavatam. And, what are they doing in the process? They're washing away those verses; those ślokas, As if in one sense, that they can't be seen. When Śrīnivās Ācārya approaches for instruction, Gadāhar Paṇḍit saying, “What I want to teach you, my tears have washed those ślokas from the pages of the Bhāgavatam. You'll have to get a new one.” And, he goes to Navadwip. It takes, in those days, I don't know, a couple of months or something, to make a new book.
    He comes back and Gadāhar Paṇḍit has left the world. So, it's very mysterious, as if, not to push that zone. At a certain time, when it is appropriate, revealed, expressed, but like, even to Śrīnivās Ācārya, Gadāhar Paṇḍit tears washed away the ślokas. And, so Guru Mahārāj saying, śrī-gosvāmi-pravaro gadādhara-vibhūr-bhūyāt mad-ekā-gatiḥ (Śrīla Bhakti Rakṣak Śrīdhar Dev-Goswāmī Mahārāj, The Golden Volcano of Divine Love: Line 4), let this work be an offering to that best of Goswāmīs, Gadāhar Paṇḍit.
    So, that's what Mahāprabhu came to taste. Right. So, it contradicts... Kṛṣṇa Consciousness will always contradict the stereotype, or contradict the stereotype of what we might expect. So, in that plane when Gopa Kumār is saying, “Now, you're in the world where all movement is dance, all speech is song, happy, happy, happy all the time. And, everyone's so miserable.” Saying, or, “The root cause of this misery is separation from Kṛṣṇa and it's producing some peculiar internal ecstatic joy.” He's entered that domain. And, while this is going on... He's having this realization, and we're told, what's coming? Like a... and, in it's... It's the way of revelation of Kṛṣṇa conception.
    First, what do they see? It's just like a giant dust cloud. [chuckling] Right. Right. Except it's go-rajaḥ, the dust from the hooves of the Kṛṣṇa's cows. Create this big dust storm, and you... but, you can hear like, if you lean, there's some sounds, some flutes, and He... And, it's moving in this direction. And, then everyone there, all those who are so miserable their now riveted to looking in that direction. And, the happy dust cloud of go-rajaḥ and kṛṣṇa-bhaja is moving towards them. And, then they're starting to see some individual shapes and forms. And, then they see dancing cowherd boys singing, playing flutes. The cows are coming, and then Kṛṣṇa and Balarām. And, now everyone's being brought back from the dead. [laughing] And, it's a typical day in Vṛndāvan.
    And, we're told, Vaikuṇṭha is suppose to be without anxiety. It's the Southern Hemisphere of the spiritual world. Goloka-Vṛndāvan is filled with anxiety. Right. But, it's sweet type of anxiety, nectar producing anxiety. Why Yaśodā abandons Kṛṣṇa to prevent the milk from boiling over. What kind... How can you push Svayaṁ Bhagavān away to go and attend to the milk? Which is more important? That's in service to Him. It always contradicts the stereotype.
    And, we're told then Gopa Kumār and Kṛṣṇa see each other. And if we can think, how happy Kṛṣṇa must be, that his devotee—who Rādhārāṇī says in Bṛhad-bhāgavatāmṛtam is one of Hers—is now before Him. And, Kṛṣṇa's running, Gopa Kūmar is running, and they embrace, and what happens? Kṛṣṇa faints. [laughing] And, then what happens is everyone is saying like, “Who is this person?” He just got there, you're thinking originally they met. They're already thinking like, how to get rid of him. Look at the affect he had on Kṛṣṇa. Maybe it's one of those demons, who they come in disguise as a cowherd boy.
    “Does anyone know him?” [laughing] “Can anyone vouch for this cowherd boy, Balarām?” [laughing] But, Kṛṣṇa's so overwhelmed at the entrance of this devotee, that He faints in happiness. And, when He comes to, He says lovingly, affectionately to Gopa Kūmar, “How could you stay away from me for so long?” Said, “But, when I knew, in this lifetime, you'd be coming back to me. You cannot imagine the eagerness and anticipation in my heart. And, now you're here, let's go to nanda-bhavan for dinner.” [laughing]
    So, that's the actual world—an eternal play. If, by the grace of Guru and Vaiṣṇav; Sādhu, Śāstra, Guru, and Vaiṣṇava, we can have some remembrance of that plane, you'll never feel alone. Right. It will be overwhelmed by joyous connection of Kṛṣṇa loving people. [laughing] So, even those recluse, nirjan-ananda-bābājī, they're... that's the world that they're in. There not meditating on something abstract. Like, Guru Mahārāj said, “Dhīmahi dhī, bhūti.” What does it means; sevā. Right.
    Seva-mayo ’yam loka, the world that's full of sevā. It's sevā saturated. So... Although, lost to this world, they're internally serving, in that, in the seva-mayo ’yam loka. So, we seek the association and service of such Vaiṣṇavas and their servants, servants, servants. Hare Kṛṣṇa.